I could have saved him
by StuckInThePast
Summary: She could have saved him. Sam-Daniel friendship. Tag for First Commandment. Thanks to my betas Womble and Sg1psychopath.


Disclaimer: They aren't mine.

A/N: Thanks to my wonderful betas Womble and sg1psychopath. Enjoy.

_--_

_I could have saved him._

Sam printed the file and scanned it again. She was sure it was the right thing to do, she just didn't want to. Even so, she refused to admit even to herself that her eyes filled with tears and her throat closed up at the very thought of what she was about to do. But she had to do this, for the boys, for the SGC, for the planet, for the entire galaxy. If she didn't, she would be condemning them all.

With a deep breath, Sam signed her request for re-assignment.

It had been what she might call the worst few days of her life. Her self-esteem dissolved every time she remembered how, after all this time, Jonas was still able to manipulate her, reduce her to absolute nothingness. She was a military woman born and bred; she should have been able to shoot him. She knew it was right, despite what the Colonel had said back on the planet.

She should have shot him, even just to cripple him. She would have proven to the indigenous people that Jonas was no god, and simultaneously saved him from his terrible fate.

How could she allow him to once again take possession of her being? She was Captain Samantha Carter, PhD, her very own self and nobody else's - especially not Jonas's. Once she had overcome his controlling power over her, she had sworn never to succumb to anyone again. But she'd done it.

How many more had to die such horrible deaths in the wake of her emotional insecurity? Enough was enough.

"Captain Carter?"

Sam looked up and smiled. "Hey, Daniel." She cleared off a seat and offered it, and he sat down.

"What can I do for you?"

"Are you okay?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, I'm more than a little disturbed, and I never even really met Jonas. It must be awful for you."

Sam had never felt so open, never felt as if she could trust anyone the way she knew she could trust Daniel.

"I could have saved him."

_There it is_, Daniel thought. He could completely identify with that. He _could have_ saved Sha're and Skaara.

"You know he wouldn't have been happy in a rubber room. He's better off this way."

"He's _dead!_"

"He would have been miserable. There's nothing worse than being alone."

"I know," she said, so quiet that Daniel had to strain to hear her. "It's just – I could have shot him. Even if not to kill, I could have crippled him, and then he would have been able to undergo counselling. Maybe the damage done wasn't irreversible. But I _handed over the gun._"

"You held him in your heart, Captain. That's not a bad thing to do."

"It doesn't change the fact that I could have saved him."

"You know nobody could undo the damage that had been done. You told me he always had this in him, remember? Once something like that has been unleashed, there's no bottling it up again."

Sam stared sullenly at her requisition, ignoring the irritating tears that refused to go away. Daniel saw one fall and gently lifted her chin with two fingers. He looked into her eyes, and saw a void there; an emptiness, a darkness, a _need…_ and he filled it by taking her now sobbing self into his arms and holding her to his chest.

"A warm heart like yours makes you go stronger. It's what Jonas didn't have; it's what made him what he was. He was a bird with a broken wing that wouldn't heal-" Sam glanced up sharply, but Daniel didn't notice – "that wouldn't heal because it _couldn't_. And you saw how that broken wing led to his death. _Not you._"

Sam smiled in spite of herself. "Thanks."

"Anytime." Daniel pulled back as he spotted the form on her desk. "Now let's forget all this about leaving, Captain, okay?"

Sam dried her eyes, interrupting her own choked sob in wonderment at his observation skills.

"You know, it's really about time you started calling me Sam," she said with a smile. He returned it and picked up the form. Slow enough for Sam to be able to stop him, which of course she wouldn't, he tore it up and dropped it in the trashcan.

--

Look! It's a purple button! Click her! CLICK HER!!


End file.
